Nov. 18, 1976 - born Winter 1978 - first memory: crawling around on the carpet while completely wet. Summer 1983 - stopped eating peas. Autumn 1984 - broke hand while partaking in activities advised by both Mother and WWF credits not to attempt at home. 1987 - 1989 - had mullet... thought it was cool. Summer 1990 - grew like a mother fucker. Had to learn how to dribble all over again. Still trying. 1991 - Got girlfriend... lost girlfriend 2 weeks later. Lakers lost to Bulls in Finals... Vlade Divac missed a game winning layup and a game tying free throw in consecutive games. Magic Johnson announces his contraction of HIV and his retirement. BAD FREAKIN' YEAR. 1991 - Began spiteful sports grudge against Vlade Divac. Summer 1993 - learned how to drive. 1993-1996 - hated sister for always using car and never buying gas or contributing to insurance. January 1, 1997 - Buckeyes win Rose Bowl. All previous sports related grudges are forgiven. November, 1998 - Buckeyes lose to Michigan State. New sports grudge against John Cooper ensues. December, 1998 - Decided I'd better major in something that will get me a decent job. July, 2001 - Started a decent job. September, 2002 - Quit decent job. Got other decent job. October, 2002 - Inherited most kick-ass collection of shirts ever. November 5, 2002 - Wrote biography. Got headache.