The Sweeper that Sucks
We’re upstairs and one of the kids says someone is at the door. Jenn goes down and I follow a minute later. Jenn, the sweet, kind, helping person she is tries to defend our guest from me and she quickly takes control of my immediate skepticism and says, "He’s going to do a demonstration for us—ah, ah… don’t say anything… it’s for his tuition.”
I tried to get a protest out but she hushed me immediately with that stare. So I stepped outside to catch lightning bugs with the kids while this dude unloads a Kirby sweeper into my house at 9pm in the evening.
Half an hour rolled by and the kids had caught as many lightning bugs as this guy had made in dollar bills. Every time I walked by the front door Jenn looked at me with a sense of panic—Oh my God, said her look, get this guy out of here! I played with the kids more.
Well eventually I had to put the kids to bed. While I was in the process of rounding them up I got the brilliant idea of planting a tape recorder in the living room to catch this pitch on tape. I planted it and let them chat a while more before finally Jenn’s look said to me, If you don’t get this dude out of my house soon or come down here and endure this with me, you ain’t getting any for the rest of your life!
Well at that point I had to oblige. I walked down and without any foreplay said, "Just curious how long this presentation’s supposed to last.”
"As much time as you guys have,” said the young salesman whom I later learned was named Nate.
Well I guess that he shouldn’t have offered so much of his time because I really don’t like people knocking on my door to sell me sweepers… so listen to the funniest sales pitch for a sweeper you’ll ever hear.
I have to admit that some of my "on-the-fly math" was shaky and I was a jerk (grammar and courtesy were out the door since I had drank a couple beers that night)... but you'll enjoy the conversation.