The Sweeper that Sucks
Notice: There is a little belligerence and moderately foul language in this recording. The two voices are that of me and a Kirby salesman trying to sell us an expensive sweeper; you will notice that my speech is a little scatterbrained... which may have resulted from some alcohol that night.
We’re upstairs and one of the kids says someone is at the door. Jenn goes down and I follow a minute later. Jenn, the sweet, kind, helping person she is tries to defend our guest from me and she quickly takes control of my immediate skepticism and says, “He’s going to do a demonstration for us—ah, ah… don’t say anything… it’s for his tuition.”
I tried to get a protest out but she hushed me immediately with that stare. So I stepped outside to catch lightning bugs with the kids while this dude unloads a Kirby sweeper into my house at 9pm in the evening.
Half an hour rolled by and the kids had caught as many lightning bugs as this guy had made in dollar bills. Every time I walked by the front door Jenn looked at me with a sense of panic—Oh my God, said her look, get this guy out of here! I played with the kids more.
Well eventually I had to put the kids to bed. While I was in the process of rounding them up I got the brilliant idea of planting a tape recorder in the living room to catch this pitch on tape. I planted it and let them chat a while more before finally Jenn’s look said to me, If you don’t get this dude out of my house soon or come down here and endure this with me, you ain’t getting any for the rest of your life!
Well at that point I had to oblige. I walked down and without any foreplay said, “Just curious how long this presentation’s supposed to last.”
“As much time as you guys have,” said the young salesman whom I later learned was named Nate.
Well I guess that he shouldn’t have offered so much of his time because I really don’t like people knocking on my door to sell me sweepers… so listen to the funniest sales pitch for a sweeper you’ll ever hear.
I have to admit that some of my "on-the-fly math" was shaky and I was a jerk (grammar and courtesy were out the door since I had drank a couple beers that night)... but you'll enjoy the conversation.
- Search for Humor articles similar to "The Sweeper that Sucks.
- Search all articles similar to "The Sweeper that Sucks".
- List Humor articles from all authors.
Comments on The Sweeper that Sucks
jack carter said:
i just had two men show me a kirby they took the covers off of the bed, removed covers on sofa just left it like this and all the round black filters that they used witch i had to pick up!!!!!!!!!! than i had to go away they sat on my deck for 30 minuts waiting on the other 2 men that dropped them off by the way he told me if i wanted to buy the sweeper i could just give him $770.00 cash today but don't tell anyone i am some dumb but not that dumb!!!!!!!!! with people like this selling your sweeper i can't believe they sell anything PS they also smoked 5 of my cigarettes and ask for a can of pop nice guys
Tracey Pullum said:
I was told I would receive a room of FREE carpet cleaning and instead got the sales pitch that went on & on & on for nearly 4 hours. Three times within the first hour I stopped the salesperson to inform him that I was UNEMPLOYED and could not afford anything at this time. I was asked how much severance I received and how much my unemployment checks were. Also, did I have an IRA account that I could "tap" into. At this point not only did I want to throw him & his sweeper out of my house, but I wanted to make sure that I get the word out to whoever I could that these people are NUTS! I did get a room of carpet shampooed - for FREE - but it took all day to do it. I ended up with a violent headache. Beware of anything associated with Kirby!
[ See Responses ]
Debbie Sherard said:
We had a guy come to the door a few months ago said he was with a carpet cleaning company and he'd be back in about 15 minutes to clean the carpets free just to get the word out and all he wanted in return was for us to tell all our friends . I thought wow great deal I need my carpets cleaned . 15 minutes later a woman came in with a huge box . I said omg your just a sweeper sales person . She said no I'm just here to clean your carpets . She starts talking for about a hour then starts cleaning as soon as she took the sweeper out I knew it was just a sales pitch . She was here for like 6 hours . we kept telling her no way could we aford this Kerby sweeper yes it did a awesome job and I loved it but I only work seasonal she said thats great you could pay more in the winter and the min in the summer . She called her boss and ask if he could get the price down . Then the boss comes to the door says so you really loved the Kerby huh . I said yes but I can't aford it right now . Well he gets on the phone to call his boss and starts making deals . They took it down to like 600.00 and payments of 39.00 I thought wow thats a deal but was still thinking . He says I'll throw in a years supply of bags and belts and a couple shampoos too . I said ok bought the Kerby and two days later my belt breaks so I use the spare they gave me . I never got the bags , shampoo or the belts . I am now reuseing the bag , without a belt and no shampoo . I have called the company and emailed them . Two weeks after I get a message saying they would contact the dealer and I would get what he said I'd get . It's been I think about 6 months and still nothing also when I got my payment book at the payoff I would have paid over 1600 for the sweeper . They will lie through they're teeth to make a sale . If I ever see another Kerby dealer in my area I will sick my dogs on them .
WHITNEY LAVINDER said:
I THINK THIS IS HILARIOUS!! WISH MY HSBAND CAME TO MY RESUCE LIKE THIS! HE WAS AT MY HOUSE FOR 2-1/2 HRS!! I FINALLY HAD TO TELL HIM I WILL TALK TO MY HUSBAND WHEN HE GETS HOME SO THEY WOULD LEAVE! THEY ENDED UP LEAVING THE DAMN SWEEPER HERE FOR ME TO US AND SHOW TO HIM! WHEN THEY CAME BACK TO PICK IT UP I REFUSED TO WASTE ANY MORE OF MY TIME! I HAD MY HUSBAND TELL HIM IT'S NOT AN OPTION...THEY STILL WOULDN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER. THEY OFFERED THIS SWEEPER FOR $2,700 THEN ENDED UP COMING DOWN TO $1,500 USING THE "FRIEND AND FAMILY DISCOUNT"! RIDICULOUS! REALLY ENJOYED THIS AUDIO!! HAHA...
Denise Howdershelt said:
I know how you feel. We had a pushy guy come to the house pedaling Kirby sweepers. My husband insisted that he do his demo because he loves Kirby sweepers. Needless to say there is a crappy Kirby sitting in my computer room that is broken. Kirby sweepers are the biggest pain in the butt sweepers I have ever used. Honestly we ended up going to Wal-mart and buying a second sweeper because the Kirby didn't clean they way it did with the demo filter disks they use. If there were anyway to get what we owe out of it I swear I would by a Rainbow sweeper instead.
[ See Responses ]
Lisa Steel said:
We had a Kirby sweeper salesman in our house last night. This is our 2nd time around with this type of salesman. They got into our house by a man coming ahead of them who led us to believe he was working for a carpet cleaning co. and would clean one room of carpet completely free, all he asked was if we where happy we spread the word. We thought why not, we where going to have our carpet cleaned soon anyway. He told us to move all our furniture they'd be back in 15 min. later to clean the room. Well guess what, when they arrived, it was a Kirby sweeper man. Right off the bat, I said I'm not buying your sweeper, that didn't get him to go, then, when he was asked to see our sweeper, guess what, I drag out my Kirby, which by the way I bought at a garage sale for $35.00. He was kinda taken back, then he tells us it's about 13 years old and the new ones are so much better, we should replace the one we had. I responded to this if someone pays 1700.00 for a sweeper, don't you think it should last longer then 13 years? This quy was in our house for over 2 hours, knowing we already owned a Kirby trying to convince us we needed a new one, I kept telling him, I'm not buying your sweeper, yet he just kept going. The fact that these people lied to get into my house, wouldn't take no for an answer makes me furious. We did not manage to get these people out of our house until almost 9 at night, both of us work, I had a house that needed cleaned up, 2 kids who needed our attention and still he just wouldn't leave. I don't really care why this guy was working for Kirby, I owned a Kirby already knew the product, basically begged him to leave, yet he wouldn't. I have a no soliciting sign on my door, and still i was harassed, annoyed, had my evening ruined all for something from the very start I informed him I wouldn't buy. And to top it off, after moving a complete room of furniture I never got my carpets cleaned. So after an exhausting evening of listening to this annoying sales pitch we had to put a room back together!
haywood jablowme said:
I listened to this audio of the kirby demo. I am a kirby salesman and kirby has a scholarship program where he needs to just show the kirby 3 times daily to earn credit for the program. yes the sales are needed to make money of course. You need both for the scholarship, so all in all the kid was right. He also sounded like a very new dealer I would like to see you with pro, you would have purchased one if only you would have listened in how the kirby would save you money. But it just goes to show that you can't sell every pig a bar of soap! Nate is more of a man than you will ever be. People who sold kirby's. Johnny Carson, ED McMan, Vince Lambardy do I need to continue, all were on the scholarship program! Jerk!
[ See Responses ]
Stacy Reinhart said:
Just so you know, the young man was just trying to do his job. You should be a mature enough adult to say hey look we arent interested and its late instead of trying to give him a hard time. There are a lot of young people that have no ambition whatsoever and no work ethic. People that work in Kirby work very hard. Not all salespeople are evil.
[ See Responses ]
melissa jamhour said:
I JUST WENT THROUGH THE SAME CRAP WITH THE KIRBY PEOPL AND THEY WERE IN MY HOUSE FOR 6 HOURS TRYING TO SELL AND WE KEPT SAYING NO AND THEY JUST TOLD US OUR HOUSE WAS DIRT AND THEY COULDNT BELIVE WE WOULD KEEP OUR OLD DIRTY SWEEPER AND THAT THEY CANT BELIVE THEY WASTED SOO MUCH TIME ON OS IF WE WERNT GOING TO BUY THE SWEEPER I WANT TO MAKE A COMPLANT ON THE THEY WASTED OUR WHOLE DAY !!!!!
Content Notice
This page contains the following content that is not suitable for all people:
Profanity
You can update your viewing preferences here and block this kind of content. If you are a member of this site and wish to block this content, you should login and update your account details.







